Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
