Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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