I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
