through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
