guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
