I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
