i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
