Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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