Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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