I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
