I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
