I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
