there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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