Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I believe in your delicious
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
