So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
