Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
