I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
