I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
