I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
