Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
