I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize