You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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