i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
