Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
