Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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