i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
