I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
