i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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