I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
