I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
