I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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