Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
