I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Green mimosas i think yes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
