Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
