I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
