Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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