Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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