My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
