id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
