my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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