Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
