She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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