I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
