so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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