that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
