dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
