its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize