you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
