I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
