Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
