It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
