I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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