Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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