It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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