Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
