Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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