when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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