Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
