Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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