this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
