yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
