Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
