Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
whose parrot is this?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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