I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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