I don't think brook has ever known best
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
