I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
