didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
