yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
3 2 1 whiskey
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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