I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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